If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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