areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
