ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize