There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
