I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
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