Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
