what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Randomize