onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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