So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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