We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
