i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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