You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
