she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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