he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
