my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
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