Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
