Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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