My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
