I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
there is glitter all over my balls
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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