She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
