take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
