We're like a lot better than the average bears
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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