I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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