meet me or not, i'm out of control
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
