well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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