Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
