I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
