i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Randomize
