I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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