now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
