he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
