my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
