its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
