i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I am midnight drunk by noon
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize