When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
