It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
