They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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