Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
