Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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