Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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