I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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