roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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