idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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