I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
