so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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