oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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