No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
