I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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