he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize