i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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