Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
