I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
