Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
