My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
All the doctor said was why
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
