Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
