So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
