Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Everything about him screamed your future.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
