So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
