I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
