dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
