Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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