ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
