Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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