At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize