we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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