Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sext me about skeletons
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
