He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize