AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
We are all done wearing pants today
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
