she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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