dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
