The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
