She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
