I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
