i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
