Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
