here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
