Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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