i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
