do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
