Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize