i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
