Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
