it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Im just a social blackout drinker.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
