I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
