If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
