Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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