He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
