are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
