can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
