if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You're like the curious george of whores
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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