NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize