I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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