Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
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