What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
