Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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