Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
