she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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