I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
