The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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