i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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