The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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