She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
