I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
